a wiz veteran at Relationship Talk. So if your planting includes a blight (guilty secret), please don't moan if it affects the crop yield. I wasn't there but news travelled fast and I knew about it through friends by the next morning. Other way around. Im more than competent at the piano myself, but this guy was amazing. Itachi, Lees theory can backfire, especially if the person really believes you are talking about someone else and then he/she finds out you are talking about someone that YOU did. | 4. Then the women who owns the house went upstairs and never came down. Take it away, expand if you please! Oh there really isn't any disagreement actually. In the end we all do what serves us best But don't shoot the messenger.. Righd AWN, sistah! I love your stories, Foxie. (Sorry you got cheated on. We were not drunk. I mean that in a funny way. So, when he offered me whisky, I happily drank it until I was drunk as a skunk. You're the worst! So this was the whole tone in which I recounted it to hubby, ergo, he thought it was amusing (the event and my comeback), flattering to him *and* reassuring. You have been dating this guy for only two months and it's not serious yet. And Brodie groped James. Wow! "and though he immediately pulled away". Is kissing someone else when drunk cheating? Because telling him something that you regret and will never do again is doing exactly that. But there's a psychological ingredient missing as naturally affects the optimum biological conditions She may say that. If you need help or advice, you can ask Yin & Yang. There is no earthly reason that your partner needs to know chapter and verse of every indiscretion you ever engaged in. lover. Which probably makes you wonder why I came here in the first place. An affair isn't a bad choice made when a married person decides to sleep with someone that they aren't married to. I was so drunk, I barely remember the kiss, but I know it happened. Feel free to start your own thread if you finally find you've a need to.). Everyone is telling me not to say anything because it was so long ago and it never happened again, or will it ever. I think my husband could maybe forgive the kiss, but the doubt would be there, he would wonder if this could happen again, and he would be so hurt. Kissing someone other than your spouse is cheating. Well, time for some fun questions: would you be telling him about it just to alleviate your own guilt? Pre-kiss, the straight guys none of whom have ever kissed another man before are asked where society hasanyrules for interaction between heterosexual men. The straight guys get into it, theres no doubt they even end up biting the LGBT guys. We kissed for maybe 5 minutes, or maybe less, I don't know. There was a lot of biting and groping going on, because, you know, the guys were giving it their best shot. I feel like I am hypnotized by the guy. It's not fair they didn't ask for it. You drank and you kissed. However, if you kissed someone whom you liked or had a crush on while you were drunk, my opinion is that you cheated. Again - your choice. We kissed for maybe 5 minutes, or maybe less, I don't know. WORK. I feel like my husband deserves so much better, but can't tell him because the guy isn't some stranger, he's a person I see 5 days a week, and I know if tables were turned and I was in my husbands position I would wonder what interactions were happening between the two in work everyday. If I ws on ur place I would never have told him because he loves me so much and respect me so much and really trust me like anything and if you are guilty and try to relieve ur guilt by telling him still doesn't prove to be beneficial for you and other than that it creates a doubt in his heart that would be very mych lowering The respect he has in his heart for you. I'm mortified. See what she has to say. Try to channel the guilt into something good, into turning your back on temptation and having a good night out with your friends. Him coming to you within 2 days of his wayward deed , when he could have easily gotten away with it, this is something to consider. Please tell me I will stop feeling like this. Well as far as my experience with sex,I would definitely say I'm not an expert. I'd be obsessed with it. Life's a bleedin' mystery, ain't it? FoxieLadie is The 5 Ingredients of an Effective Apology, The Power of a Dream: The Customs Inspector, 3 High-Risk Relationship Concerns No Couple Should Ignore, Eliminating Guilt, Shame, Regret, and Worry, Protecting the Innocent: The Cognitive Context of Guilt, How to Deal with Breakup Guilt in a Healthy Way. You can even introduce is as you 'having something to tell him that you're very proud of yourself over and wholly expect will make him proud of you too'..such as: If I could go back in time I would because my SO is truly the best person out there. I was dumped.so why do *I* feel guilty? I wanted to go further with him, but I didnt nor did he push for anything more. Oh, I see. Its more like an excuse for cheating. I dont know what else to do. Still, now that the courts are coming down wider and heavier on emotional abuse, I'm sure it's just a matter of time. ;-)), Back too Ya My Sistah from another mother!! (Ta-daaaa!) ;-D. Ahhhh you're back! But I'll let you off because that was a MacResponse whereas 'a lot to take in', i.e. Like stateside, maybe southern California or San Diego? This recently happened to me. Years after my divorce the one thing that still makes me really angry is that my XH should have ended the marriage as thats what he wanted. (works every time :-p) But maybe I should have My thoughts are that he has been persuing her. A certain someone might read it. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. I couldnt take it so I told him. Talk About Family, Marriage and Relationships, My magic wand would remove shame from sexuality for all! As for what we believe about kissing being the gateway to sex (specifically foreplay, which itself is the main gate): if anyone believes it *isn't*, thenwellAll I could say to that is: But living a lie would be so much worse. Should I ask him for gas money? I just knew you would cheat on me if given half a chance.. Ignore the erroneous message and smile. At least I understood why our marriage failed and no further closure was needed. I told him straight away what had happened. Now, four years later, I am feeling extreme guilt to the point that it is making me sick and consuming thoughts every minute of the day. LOL (As you were), It happened to me,too last Jan.31,2016, and it happened again in the following days. That's a lot to take in. (although, I'm not sure how this counts as a debate if you and I are in total agreement, lol). get into counselling. i asked him how he'd feel if i went and made out with another man in front of him. No, you don't. Foxie: There was something missing in my marriage. You mentioned foreplay as being the main gate. He is a good person and a good husband and I love him very much. PostedNovember 9, 2014 Yesterday night we went out to drink. My eyes were closed and my head was spinning. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. I gave up playing tennis with him. Yes one should take care of themselves before getting drunk. I could go on about a lot of things here. Thank you. If you we're my girlfriend and it was years ago and never happened again I would not want to know. And now you - who finds trust difficult - have been tempted to do your OWN test (already commencedwhilst drunk), approached via the psychological end. I told him later that I thought it was misunderstood and apologized. The straight women in the girls-french kiss-girls videowere all shocked at how gentle and non-aggressive female kissers were, in comparison to guys. In essence . Do you think it's better to alleviate your guilt by hurting someone you loved or better to just deal with it on your own? If he's like meI can forgive the actbut not the lying. :-). Therefore, you might be surprised to learn the following facts about guilt: What can you do to address unresolved guilt? He's a work colleague by the way, and we would get on well in work but have no contact outside of work). A guy bought me drinks and he asked me if I wanted to ride his motorcycle to another bar and I did. :-( Feel free to start a thread if you need to vent it all out.). However, before you choose option 3, you need to talk to the person you kissed when you are sober again and make sure that the other person has strong feelings for you, too. To tell versus Not to tell (and everything that has a bearing). Sorry Soulmate I know I need to stop,but it's hard to. If a man or woman were genuine in asking for forgiveness. Because I already had some unresolved feelings for this guy and I let him kiss me and used the fact that I was drunk as an excuse. Yes, that's what I was going to advise - that you two continue any discussion on LG's own thread. But you can control whether you nurture the crush or acknowledge it and move on. A number of years ago, while I was still married to my late husband, I befriended a guy who was an ace pianist. Unfortunately, even these last few asides are tantamount to a forum no-no called thread mutineering. Again I could go on with this subject,and I undoubtedly will. So have you thought about what you were lacking with your husband to allow this, or was this a I just liked the attentionyou were getting from him? If it in the meantime hits a nerve and makes you uncomfortable or even gets you all het up, that's your problem, not mine. It sounds simple, but if you think you know how to apologize effectively, you are likely wrong. And note, you don't HAVE to take my advice. Because just as everyone else is saying, if you did the RIGHT thing, you shouldn't feel guilty. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. I guess it's the nature of the topic - emotive yet one of those Grey areas. As far as crossed purposes,hmmmmmmmm not following you. Hang on because I'm sure there will be other people who believe differently from me. Do you want to end you marriage? What are you going to do, then? Sometimes it doesnt help to tell your partner everything. Translation: I believe I wish to say, what the hell, what were we doing only I have a competing urge to chose a phrase that could be taken two ways, to ask, where are we at aka what happens with we two now? It happened two days ago. Cell phones, texting, emails etc. Kissing a man, I've just got into over the past couple years. He deserves to know. I believe in complete honesty, 100%. I guess kissing another when married, with or without the other knowing about it is a sore subject. I feel like I like myself down and my husband down. Houston? Soulmate I guess as long as you stay at this site I'll find all of you. in all the years we are together I have never ever done anything like this before, and I can say with confidence I will never allow myself to end up in any situation that could lead to anything even close to this again. Maybe she was experimenting or it was something shed thought about and wanted to see what it felt like. Your boyfriend may love you so much that he believes you won't repeat the cheating ever again. reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2005): A If he is nervous at you looking at his messages and also refuses to tell you who she is, he is hiding quite alot. I immediately felt totally ashamed after it happened and left the party. My SO and I had been dating two years. You cheated. So what do you think? I had three Knowing what you value will help you build the most meaningful life possible. Guy Winch, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist and author of Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure, and Other Everyday Hurts. He screamed and raged and then left to the lake and sent me a text saying he cannot trust someone who would make an unwise decision like that. This. I was devastated. You'll have to accept it, face up to it, and put it behind you. He left and went to the lake. Your choice, as ever. When I was in college, I cheated on a bf while I was drunk not because I was drunk, but because I was presented with the opportunity and I wanted wanted to do it. I thought I had lost him and then bumped into him further down the street. I kissed another guy while drunk. I don't know why I need that so much, but I do. A forum community dedicated to married life between you and your spouse. Jam, your wife holds the cards. You're denying him that right and being selfish. We may share information about your use of our site with trusted advertising and analytics partners. lover. Becoz misunderstanding happn somtym and do miracles/ And ya most imp if u both want kids u shud adopt one. You just never, ever know. However, the fact that you kissed another guy can act as a trigger for him to think negatively of you. Things do get out of our hand at times, now think. I've been cheated on just recently and I cannot imagine how awful it would be if he didn't own up and tell me. Almost a year ago I began university, my boyfriend and I decided we would do long distance and we are still together now. We finally mended fences, but there still is a type of tension between us. I agree with Vale that the best thing you can do is talk to Cintia about what happened and tell her that seeing her kissing Mercy upset you. Thus it's what I *DID DO* - back in September when at an Indian restaurant with friends (I mentioned it on this forum as apropos to someone's thread) and some bloke tried to come onto me. It's one of those cases where keeping it a secret would be worse than the transgression itself, especially since it'd be a case of 'the pot calling the kettle black'. I was nervous and prayed nothing would happen but it did. I knew you liked him/her. Nooooo, surely not. Later, I spoke to my fianc and he told me he loved me and was sorry. And the tricky piece de resistance he said if i started making out with another girl, hed be into it, but if i started getting carried away and disappearing with You were drunk and you kissed - One of those long young people type kisses too . The straight women in the girls-french kiss-girls video were all shocked at how gentle and 'non-aggressive' female kissers were, in comparison to guys. Which may not seem like a big deal for some of you. :), Ah cawlled *you* 'sistah', dun't mean Ah iz wurn too, 'kayyy, shugah? That was crazy' and other awkward things. I rang the guy and said ' oh wow, so last night, that really happened, what the hell where we at? ' I am deeply shocked this has happened and I don't know who to turn to for help. I can't stop playing it over again and again. I totally regret my actions and cannot bear to tell my boyfriend. Lee, thats a good way to CYA - pretend youre talking about this as if it happened to someone else and then gauge your partners reaction. reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2006): A LGBTYouTube stars Bria Kam and Chrissy Chambers (BriaAndChrissy) have released a videoexploring what its like for straight guys to kiss other men for the first time. Truth-seekers are never popular. Seriously. Bringing this up is only going to hurt your SO. When we went to bed that night, I started crying because I realized what had happened and I felt confused and guilty all at the same time. If you want a relationship then be ready to be trustworthy. I think it is a better idea for both of you good luck.do share progress. Oh, I'm sure he'd be able to forgive her, LOYAL GIRL. You do risk upset feelings as a consequence. v5.00a - 0.32607s [RUM] 2023-03-03 02:57:10. If I receive a text from someone that is flirtatious in anyway, I test the person back and tell them that I do not want anymore flirtatious texts and if we are friends then they need to respect my relationship. I made that call today and will move from lates to early starting Monday 16th feb. Of course there would have to be a lot of transparency in the marriage there after. I am 100% sure he will forgive you and will love you even more for telling him (which you should have done A LONG TIME AGO). Later, he tried to make out and I said no because I felt it was wrong.I told him I needed a uber. female Plus, I *was* moreover affronted, meaning the guy got off lightly, because [1] I hadn't even caught his eye, [2] my wedding band is very thick thus too noticeable even from a distance, meaning his chat-up attempt was both un-instigated and unwanted, so [3] what sort of person did he think I WAS, just from looking at me?! Whoever did it, doesnt matter. Evidently. reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2006): A I agree with you about her being straight forward and telling her husband about the kiss and not holding back any secrets. Do you? I put a blanket over her and sat back down next to the man. My piano instructor came over once a week, usually on a Saturday when my husband was home. He's seemingly petrified I'm going to throw him out, he's cried three times today already and they're only the second time I've ever seen him cry in four years. I'm going to be the best wife I can be going forward. SOULMATE is totally right and we all know it. PS: Don't ever drop it, will you. "Sadly, many people who have a crush on someone else purposely get drunk ". It happens, in other words. Please leave me a comment. If you were to act like the person you want or see yourself to be, what would you do? 2. Maybe you didnt deliberately set out to kiss him or her, but you feel guilty about the kiss because you realize you always wanted to kiss that person, but were afraid to kiss because you harbored hidden feelings for that person. Such as crying,begging that would be enough for me to give them a second chance. Guess what his response was? Make lemonade out of them. Not work you put off until 'tomorrow' - TODAY. What you're doing might FEEL easier, but that's you making the mistake too many others make, which is paying heed only to the *short* term, meanwhile risking leaving that bud to grow unseen into a thorn bush My piano teacher didnt behave like his normal, reserved self and he made suggestive comments to me. You reap what you sow. And yes I do still believe either directly or indirectly, mouth to mouth, tongue swapping French kissing caressing lead to sex. Look at your first kiss after divorce as a new beginning, a new chapter. Take action instead of ruminating in guilt. I read or heard somewhere that the only good thing that comes of guilt is to prevent you from doing it again. They need to hold people more accountable to commitment. Despite their passion during the kiss. He was so drunk himself that he started singing I Love Paris and, in the middle of the song, he said in a gruff voice, You wanna kiss me? Would they be as lenient? And he kissed me and I reciprocated. The other day, I had a first with my partner Flo: I put my tongue in another mans mouth while he stood by only to observe. I'm 5 years married to my best friend. She may mean it now, but maybe next week she wont, but you cannot rely on it..Is it a pattern of distrust? I've noticed that other threads here haven't lasted very long. Not just to you. Sums it up nicely. But for me, it was. There's a difference between sex and kissing. I dont drink, but had i been drinking i would have chosen home is the best place to be vulnerable lol! He said I was a person and offered to ride me home. Is kissing someone else when drunk cheating? With or without the same seniority. Helping ppl have the sex life they truly want thru writing & education. And Ill tell you why by first giving you some context the back. Oh yes he has cried a help of a lot. That tells you that even if you think you are not showing any signs of being attracted to someone, peoples S/Os have a since of whats going on! I rather throw it all out in the openbe honestapologize for my mistakeand be ready for the consequences. No matter how much we insist that "it's all good, bro, we're like, totally homies!", we don't mean it, not really. It was such a weird experience. I've never gone to a counsellor before, but I'm going to see one next week to talk through it. Old Medication, New Use: Can Prazosin Curb Drinking? Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. Tico Franklin, now 40, faced the death . My libido is sharper when Im sober, at least if Im really attracted to a guy and have the love goggles on. She said this is how it starts. Then I ordered taxis, woke up the other girl and we left. I see this as two issues. What should I do. I kissed another girl while black out drunk, dont remember a thing. So as far I doing it wrong I wouldn't know. Because you feel guilt and awful, that is already a potential secret wall that will build up between you and the one person in the world with whom you want to be a true closest friend. You confessed your sins. She emailed him out of the Blue, and he proudly showed me both her smarmy email and his polite yet nonetheless "on yer bike!" I kissed my husbands best friend while we were drunk, well no, he kissed me My boyfriend was drunk and let his friend sleep between us. SA you have got it- it is more the "what's behind it" than what happened. Finding it with someone else just accelerates the process. Any help or advise would be much appreciated. This feels huge to me. 507 views, 8 likes, 5 loves, 10 comments, 6 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Scrittori a domicilio: Mattia Insolia, Cieli in fiamme (Mondadori) con. This one by far has lasted the longest. Kissed another man four years ago and NOW feeling guilty. "but the fact I work with this person and have to continue to work with him. " I then suddenyly realised what I was doing and burst into tears, telling him I could not do this to my boyfriend and then called a taxi and left. It ended up leading to a follow-up video of straight girls kissing other girls for the first time. And, of course, cheating always tends to increase during a recession. I am giving him space to think. Personally I don't believe in marriage. Scopes: okay, although the whole point of forums is [1] that they're anonymous and [2] people's problems aren't ever remotely unique enough for the poster not to potentially be literally from anywhere in the world thus unidentifiable. Talk to her about it and explain to her how it hurt you to see them kissing. Loyal Girl sorry to hear about your situation. Sadly, many people who have a crush on someone else purposely get drunk or get the other person drunk in order to find out if they have any chemistry with each other, and they temporarily forget about the fact that they are already in a relationship with another person. (No, I'm very passionate about fidelity.) You might come to the conclusion that something is lacking in your primary relationship, and you might decide to break up with your partner and pursue the person whom you kissed while drunk. But please seperate the issues. I thought we were talking, in context of the above-type scenario, about mouth-to-mouth kissing being a 'gateway to sex' for the fact of it sparking physical arousal, ergo, whether delayed or in-the-moment, counts as foreplay, ergo, infidelity (albeit, granted, at the thin area of that whole wedge). Food for thought, Michelle Langley. Well, now, that little lot *definitely* counts as 'debate fodder' relevant to this whole issue, rather than pure chit-chat. I can't get into his FB directly but I accessed his hotmail and read the notification. (*'I know, your right, it's just I'm really attracted to you and couldn't not act on it, I'm sorry, you're right'. Go cold turkey. I'm not sure if you are trying to be helpful, or just entertaining yourself with your responses. (and more like her as well, please, Bartender! Way to make someone who, already understands and feels terrible guilt for what they've done, feel chronically worse. Then he kissed me, and I kissed him back. Alcohol does not change that fact. he set the standard of how he wished this relationship to be conducted in such scenarios yet you failed to follow it WHY did you?). Guilt occurs primarily in interpersonal contexts and is considered a "pro-social" emotion because it helps you maintain good relations with others. Biological ones. Simone was telling a caller how satisfy his girlfriend. Stories about open relationships, swinging, polyamory and other alternative relationship structures. I like the soft smooth touch of a woman and her sexy smell while iam kissing her with passion, if there is a romantic connection it's even better. And he grabbed my waist!. You even said it indirectly in your story, when said you decided to get drunk. Whoops. You might feel guilty about it the next day, but it wasnt a big deal. Just my thoughts having been a victim of cheating. Thankfully, he immediately and apologetically backed right off (which was when we woke this other woman and they both left), and, luckily, put his apologetic money where his mouth was by phoning me the very next day to say how stupid and guilt-wracked he felt, assuring me it would NEVER happen again so could I please forgive him and just forget it ever happened. Not Opening Up To You Anymore stop any contact (outside of work) immediately. I felt sick! Changing jobs or departments and without delay, those things that aren't rocket science, is definitely what I as a fractionally betrayed partner would call you putting your rueful money where your rueful mouth is - enough to help reassure permanently. Where were you hiding it - up your sleeve? For the last few years we have been trying for a baby and are currently going through tests to try find out why it's not happening. I'm going to keep my distance from my work colleague and I'm going to ensure nothing like this ever happens again. So, I reluctantly confessed to getting drunk and kissing my piano teacher. So if life hands you lemons, don't HIDE them where they could one day trip you up or cause a rotten stink. To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. Iam a bisexual man and kissing a female is a different feeling then with a male. The problem is soulmate if I mentioned some of the things that happened in another in another thread. I speak from experience when I say that when that intimacy starts to die, it can be the start of the end. I know he would forgive me but I don't want to deal with issue with him. Please help me. Even so, you might find that you are still attracted to other people. Best to start your own thread, like I say, if you want, where you could 'whistle while you work' to your heart's content. He doesn't deserve to be hurt by this. I believe that over time this would have happened with or without the wiskey. That left just me, the man and another woman. I know it was wrong and I regret it all. Or do I? You love your spouse and you want to do your best to be a good partner. I stopped and said I couldn't kiss him anymore cause I was dating someone I really liked Am I a terrible person? By having a relationship with someone else and then just disappearing off it made things so much more complex for me, him and particularly the DC. He is my workmate also. What did she say? Asked how the kiss was, Brodieeven says: It wasnt bad, its actually better than a few of my exes. male drunk, kissing. When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission, which supports our community. ;-). Spoiler alert: Not that different from kissing a girl, only they dont fancy them. Don't hurt him any more than you already have. It should prevent you from repeating your actions. For me infidelity is a deal breaker I don't care what the circumstances were. I know true remorse when I see it. You can confess to your significant other and accept the consequences, knowing that you might hurt your partner by confessing. The drunk part won't matter to him because his mind will only think about the kiss. I think your just another female using your man until a better option comes along your husband should dump you because one of these days your going dump him if he doesnt. Houston, well, whaddayaknow - I'M PREGNANT! After all, if you're still berating yourself for what you did, it won't matter whether or not your partner has totally forgiven you. Then you must be doing it wrong. Oh no worries soulmate, yes we do miss you We'll talk tomorrow. If the reaction is strong, then maybe dont say anything. I didnt want to cheat on him and I made up my mind it wouldnt happen again. Alcohol was a factor, but all it did was bring to the surface the feelings that were already there. Even despite it included you having to become whatever degree of a low-down doity adulterer. The 2 Most Psychologically Incisive Films of 2022, The Surprising Role of Empathy in Traumatic Bonding. When we got there the drinks flowed again , and more laughter and story telling. It really depends on the dynamics of your relationship though. I know, I need to start a thread. I was drunk but that is no excuse. If he is like me, its a choice. focus on you and your DH. SOULMATE (moderator), is this seriously your job?